If you are a parent, you may have experienced your child crying; throwing hands and legs all over the place because of perceived wrongdoing on your part. This can leave you frustrated and flustered. However, after talking to them they calm down and stop crying and things go back to normal.

Tantrums are a way a child shows they are frustrated, tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. Learning to deal with frustration is a skill children have to learn. There are equally common in boys and girls at the age of 1 to 3 years. Some toddlers may have tantrums often, while others have them rarely. They commonly start at the age of 2 when language skills are starting to develop. This results from the inability to articulate what they want, feel, or need. As language skills improve tantrums tend to decrease.

Toddlers want independence and control over things they can’t handle and manage. This can lead to power struggles as kids think “I can do anything without the help of anyone” or “I want it and I have to have it.” When they discover they can’t have everything they want they may start to cry. Some things increase the likelihood of tantrums occurring; stress, hunger, tiredness, and overstimulation – these can make it harder for children to express and manage feelings and behavior. Temperament – these influences how quickly and fast children can react to things. Strong emotions – worry, fear, shame, and anger can be overwhelming for children. Trouble coping with other children.

Dealing with tantrums can be hard for parents, but there are a few things that can be done to manage them and make them less likely to happen. Talk to your child about the emotions they have, and encourage them to name the feelings and what caused them, this will help them handle the anger they have and solve things without crying and throwing things around.

Sometimes tantrums happen, no matter what you do to avoid them. Here are a few ideas on how to handle tantrums for a child:

1. Stay calm (or pretend to). Take a moment for yourself if you need to. If you get furious, it’ll make the situation worse for you and your child. When you speak be calm and cool and act deliberately and slowly.
2. Be consistent and calm in your approach. If you sometimes give your child what they want and sometimes you don’t, the problem could get worse.
3. Wait out the tantrums. Stay close to your child so they know you are there. But don’t try to reason with them. It is too late once the tantrums have started.
4. Take charge if you need to. If the tantrums happen because your child wants something don’t give in to them. Always use your judgment while making decisions.
5. Acknowledge your child’s strong feelings. When they do good appreciate them and make them feel happy.

Don’t judge or crucify yourself as apparent based on how your child cries during tantrums. Remember that all children have tantrums, focus on how you respond to the tantrums, and remember that you’re only human and part of parenting is learning as you go.